


Agony

by LadyBrooke



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alcohol, Crack, F/M, M/M, One-Sided Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-08
Updated: 2012-08-08
Packaged: 2017-12-22 19:02:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/916900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyBrooke/pseuds/LadyBrooke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Orodreth never expected to stumble upon Celegorm and Caranthir singing about denied loves. What's an elf to do, when he's the only sane man in a city full of the Sons of Fëanor and the House of Fingolfin. </p><p>Italicized sections from Sondheim's "Into the Woods", specifically the scene with the song "Agony".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Agony

**Author's Note:**

> Part of the long unfinished Noldor Parody Musical set, in which I borrow parts of songs or plays and then make elves do silly stuff (or sad stuff, depending on story). 
> 
> Timeline slightly twisted, though Turgon and Aredhel are gone to Gondolin at the time of the story.

Orodreth was quite happy at the moment, in spite of the fact that Finrod had sent him to Hithlum to ask Uncle Fingolfin for more horses at the same time that the Fëanorions were visiting. Celegorm and Curufin had stayed out of his way, and while Caranthir seemed to be moping, he wasn't having too many problems with them. 

And then it started. At first, he thought it was a dying animal (and judging by the muffled shrieks coming from Maglor, who had collapsed in the middle of the road and curled into a ball, it really was as bad as he thought). Baffled, he went in that direction only to discover that it was Celegorm. And yes, he was really singing.

As Orodreth stared at Celegorm, he continued singing _"Did I abuse her or show her disdain? Why does she run from me?"_

Orodreth blinked several times. Then he pinched himself. Still, it continued _"If I should lose her, how shall I regain the heart she has won from me?"_

Finally accepting this wasn't a hallucination; Orodreth spoke up, "Oh, dear Eru, must you continue this caterwauling? And if you're singing about cousin Aredhel, I should remind you that Turgon threatened to throw you off the top of a cliff it you continued following her around."

Celegorm let out a sob, _"AGGGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! Beyond power of speech, when the one thing you want is out of your reach!"_

Then he collapsed into a little huddle. Orodreth was not sure quite what to do. Then a second voice joined in, and while this one sounded better, it was even more unbelievable. Clearly, years spent with his brothers had done him no good, because now Caranthir had turned into somebody who sang about lost loves at the top of his lungs.

"High in her tower, she sits by the hour, maintaining her hair-

"Caranthir, really, from everything you've told me I doubt she's sitting in a tower stroking her hair! What in the world have you been drink-" Orodreth cut off Caranthir, before being interrupted himself. 

_"Agony! Far more painful than yours, when you know she would go with you, if there only were doors!"_ Caranthir spat out at Celegorm.

"What?!? Uncle Fingolfin does not keep Aredhel locked in a room without doors. Caranthir, are you being a drunk philosopher, again?" Orodreth was quickly becoming annoyed.

However, Celegorm and Caranthir appeared to reach an understanding without speaking.

Together, they continued, _"AGGGGGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! Oh the torture they teach!"_

"Yes, because a woman rejecting you is really on par with what Morgoth inflicts," Orodreth spoke up.

"Actually –" Maedhros poked his head in the door.

"GO AWAY!" Celegorm cried out, "Your love isn't hopeless, if you would just stop moping and tell him already!" And then he threw a vase at him.

After Maedhros ducked out of the way and left, and Orodreth groaned at the idea of how upset Uncle Fingolfin would be at the broken vase, the singing continued.

 _"What's as intriguing?"_ Celegorm shrieked.

Orodreth couldn't resist mumbling, "A lot of things, including whether or not you're going to break any windows with that voice."

And then Celegorm was continuing on. _"Am I not sensitive, clever, well-mannered, considerate, passionate, charming, as kind as I'm handsome, and heir to a throne?"_

"WHAT?!? No, no, and does Uncle Fingolfin know that you're still pretending to be in the line of inheritance?" Orodreth collapsed on to the couch, only to groan at what he heard Caranthir sing.

_"You are everything maidens could wish for!"_

"Oh Manwë, Varda, and Eru, don't let this fool encourage that blonde haired idiot," he pleaded.

Celegorm sobbed out, _"Then why no?"_

Caranthir clearly had no idea, "I don’t know?"

"Perhaps because she doesn't want to spend the rest of her life with a vain peacock who spends more time on his hair then she does?" Orodreth interjected.  


 _"The girl must be mad!"_ Celegorm suddenly shouted. 

"I really don't think you should be accusing her of being mad, in her father's house, with guards surrounding the place," he said almost pleasantly.

Caranthir took a chug of something – Orodreth really did not like the looks of it – and then began to sing again, _"You know nothing of madness, till you're climbing her hair-“_

Orodreth jumped off the couch, as his cousin continued to half slur out words while singing. "What in the world is that? Cousin, you've never climbed somebody's hair in your life!" Reaching around, he tried to wrestle the bottle away from Caranthir, as the two continued to sing.

Celegorm screeched, _"Misery!"_ as Caranthir managed to evade Orodreth and take another gulp before singing out _"WOE!"_

 _"Though it's different for each!"_ they sang out together, as Fingolfin finally came running down the hallway, apparently summoned by the horrendous noise. As he came into the room, Orodreth abandoned his pursuit of trying to grab the bottle, and instead tried to cover Celegorm's mouth. Even he wasn't entirely sure why, perhaps out of some long lost shred of childhood loyalty to his cousin.

Still, Celegorm continued, even with it being muffled by Orodreth's hand, _"Always ten steps behind-"_

 _"Always ten feet below-"_ Caranthir sobbed out. Judging by the look on his Uncle's face, Orodreth wasn't the only one who found this behavior very odd for Caranthir.  


 _"And she's just out of reach! Agony that can cut like a knife!"_ they sang out together. _"I must have her to wife!"_

Orodreth winced, and considered ducking for cover. Judging by the new look on his Uncle's face, Fingolfin knew exactly who Celegorm was singing about, and was not amused at all.

"Really? May I ask how you plan to do that?" the look on Fingolfin's face resembled nothing more than a cat who knew he had a bird trapped.

And of course, Celegorm would be too self-absorbed to even notice who he was talking to. "Well, why wouldn't anybody want to marry me? I'm perfect, and even my brother agrees that I am. So, I'm just go to her room and –" suddenly, he did realize who was talking to, though probably because Orodreth had finally made up his mind that hiding would be completely justified, and had ducked behind the couch.

"OUT!" Fingolfin ordered.

"Out where?" Celegorm couldn't resist the urge to smirk.

"Out of this city, and take your brothers with you! And don't let me see any of you back any time soon!"

The rest of the Sons of Feanor had been summoned by all the shouting, and judging by the looks on the faces of everyone except Curufin, nobody was particularly happy with Celegorm. Especially Maedhros, who looked like he wanted nothing more than to toss Celegorm out the window. And so, the Sons of Fëanor left Hithlum in disgrace, while Caranthir continued singing (even if Orodreth had managed to secure that bottle before Caranthir left. Whatever it was, it clearly needed to be disposed of, and nobody needed to drink any more of it.) 

Celegorm was gagged and tied to his horse, in the hopes that he would not cause any more trouble.


End file.
